In Search of An-Noor

Imagine walking through the woods in total darkness. There is no moon and we have no means of any light. Ahead of us could be a very clear path, but we just can’t see it.

Everyone has a different path, a different journey. Some are rosy, while some are thorny. But, often times we find that thorny paths bear some of the sweetest flowers.

We all strive, not for perfection but to achieve the highest accomplishments in everything that we pursue. Be it our job, our wealth, our learning, our family, our health, our happiness, our home, and our deen; we live, we love, and we make changes to become better versions of ourselves.

My first ‘Hijrah’ journey started in 2010 when my husband and I performed our first umrah. It was a memorable trip that unveiled my heart towards knowledge, peace and spirituality. I felt that it was a necessary first step for me or any individual towards hijrah.

My very first experience of donning the hijab was probably just like any other. Personally, I found it hard and awkward. It only lasted for one short week. I was constantly thinking and being worried about how others would perceive me; will my husband love me less even though he has asked me to don a hijab? Will I be able to keep my friends after this huge change of mine? My concerns were unnecessary but inevitable. Astaghfirullah.

Two years later, something shook me awake. I was on a long international flight that had violent turbulences. Life is short, I thought. The moment we landed safely, I immediately grabbed my winter shawl and that was the first time I felt I was more than ready to wear the hijab. Ever since then, I constantly prayed to achieve istiqomah.

My ‘second’ transformation or ‘Hijrah’ was during the peak of my husband’s career and life was filled with an abundance of excitement and opportunities. I thought that a physical transformation was all I needed and it was sufficient to feel what a Muslimah should feel. However, I felt that I needed to make further changes to my life. My heart yearned for more.

I started to look deeper into my prayers. Were my daily rituals to my Lord consistent? Was I punctual enough to meet my Lord in the midst of this busy life? I felt that there were more things I needed to uncover.

In 2018, I fell sick. I found myself questioning my relationship with Allah SWT. I reflected on myself; how arrogant I was for not reaching out to Him fully all this while. But it is only when we are struck with a calamity, that we fall back to the Almighty.

We plan, but indeed Allah SWT is the best planner.

This was ‘another step for another hijrah’.

I sought for more. I asked more questions. How should I dress daily? Am I properly covered or just merely wrapped up? There was always something I could do better like wearing apparel that fitted loosely and defined the silhouette of a true Muslimah.

When we work on our relationship with our Lord, He takes care of our affairs.

One thing that I always asked for was for Allah SWT to light up my path. To guide me to the correct path and to constantly be walking on the right path. The path that leads to Jannahtul Firdaus, the garden where the river flows.

These many ‘hijrahs’ of mine have transformed me into who I am today. I will never be perfect as perfection is Allah SWT, but I pray that Allah SWT will keep me close and illuminate my path till my last breath. I hope to continue with my journey, improving the different aspects of my life, be it massive or minuscule.

To me, Hijrah is when we have finally found the purpose of this life. There is nothing more important than pleasing our Creator, The Most Merciful and The Most Gracious Allah SWT.

"Indeed, Allah SWT will not change the condition of a people, until they change what is in themselves" (Al Ra’d 13:11)

May we constantly work towards getting closer to Him, abandon the acts that are frowned upon by Him and please Him every minute of every day with everything that we do. May we continuously Hijrah Fisabililah, and may Allah SWT always grant us Noor that will guide us to the correct path.

Allahummah dini wa saddidni
"O Allah, direct me to the right path and make me adhere to the straight path"
(Sahih Muslim 2725) 

Allaahumma aj’al fi qalbi nooran wa fi lisaani nooran waj’al fi sam’i nooran waj’al fi basari nooran waj’al min khalfi nooran wa min amaami nooran waj’al min fawqi nooran wa min tahti nooran, Allaahummah a’tini nooran
"Oh Allah Place light in my heart, light in my tongue, light in my hearing, light in my sight, light above me, light below me, light on my right, light on my left, light in front of me, light behind me, place light in my soul, and make light abundant for me."
(Sahih Muslim 763J)

Ya Allah, please do not leave us even for a blink of an eye and grant us everlasting Noor, ameen

With love, Diyana Halik